Monkees TV Quotes
I have listed hear several of the Monkees funniest and memorable quotes from their TV Show.
From various episodes
Micky: “You do and I’ll be sorry!”
Davy: “I am standing up!”
Davy: “You must be joking”
Micky: “Isn’t that dumb.”
From “The Spy Who Came In From The Cool”
Mike: “Besides Davy, you ought to save your money for a rainy day”
Peter: “Hey, I think it’s gonna rain”
Davy: “Hey, Mike, I just saw a fellow talking to a Popsicle”
Mike: “Oh yeah, well let me know if the Popsicle talks back”
Madame Olinsky: “I grow impatient!”
Peter: “I grow daffodils”
From “The Success Story”
Italian Restaurant Owner: “You make good spaghetti huh?
Mike: “Oh man, you wouldn’t believe the kind of spaghetti I make.”
(Coming out of restaurant) Italian Restaurant Owner: “I thought you said you could make spaghetti!”
Mike: “Why, I didn’t say that, I just said you wouldn’t believe it”
Davy: Peter, as my devoted houseboy, what will be your main function?”
Peter: “I am born to serve my master and live only to perform his bidding”
Davy: “Right, now get me my comb”
Peter: “Get it yourself!”
Micky(disguised as a ticket clerk at an airport): “Just one moment sir, you haven’t selected your seat, yes do you have any preferences?”
Davy’s Grandfather: “No, anywhere”
Micky: “Well I’ll give you 10A, that’s over the wing”
Davy’s Grandfather: “Fine”
Micky: “Of course a lot of people prefer to sit inside the plane!”
Episode “The Prince and The Paupers”
Mike: “Well Davy, there was old man about 5,000 years ago”
Davy: “Oh really?”
Mike: “Yeah, his name was Ling Fu Ying and he says, he said ‘If apple seed turns to wing it will fly away a beautiful butterfly, but if butterfly turns into apple seed it will just lay there on the ground.’ That’s what Ling Fu Ying said 5,000 years ago."
Davy: “Well what does that mean?”
Mike: “I just don’t have any idea.”
Micky(Reading the newspaper): “It says she’s doing her doctor’s thesis”
Peter: “Why can’t her doctor do his own thesis?”
Episode “Monkee vs. Machine”
Mike(after Micky checks the wanted ads): “Hey Peter, you don’t having any training and you sure don’t have any experience. You’re the only one qualified.”
Micky: “Probably the only one in the city with those qualifications, at least the only one that can read the ad.”
Mike(to Peter): “Look man, it’s okay, besides you got something a machine doesn’t have.”
Peter: “hmm”
Mike: “You got friends.”
Micky: “Hey you got some friends Pete, bring them over someday!”
Episode “The Chaperone”
Peter: “Come on Davy, quick fooling around, what TV program is she watching”
Micky: “Ours I hope”.
Micky(in drag): “I’ve had it I’m through!”
Mike: “Oh man, keep your dress on! What’s the matter?”
Micky: “He’s getting fresh.”
Mike: “Okay, so he’s getting fresh, it’s for a pal anyway. Davy is in love with his daughter.”
Micky: “Yeah, and I’m gonna be his mother-in-law!”
Mike: “If you play your cards right.”
Mr. Babbit: So tell me how do you like this apartment? I could kick the boys out.”
Micky(still in drag): Oh I couldn’t stand living in a place like this and you wouldn’t want to do that to the boys, why the think the world of you, why they were just talking about you before you came in.”
Mr. Babbit: “Really?”
Micky: “Yes, what’s a blood sucker?”
Episode “Monkees In A Ghost Town”
Peter: “Cross at the green, not in between.”
Davy: “He’s been out in the sun too long.”
Micky: “He’s no bargain in the shade.”
Mike: “Hey look, what do you want?”
Lenny: “What do I want? I want what any man wants. I want a job and security and a home and PTA meetings with cookouts on weekends, that’s what I want. Can, can you give me all that?”
Mike: “Well no.”
Lenny: “Then, Shut up!”
Peter: “I’ll bet you have a lot of heart Bessie.”
Bessie: “Thank you sonny, you’re a bright and sensitive boy, Lenny.”
Lenny: “Ah yeah?”
Bessie: “Take them out and shoot them.”
Episode “Monkees A La Carte”
Fuselli: “You got any funny ideas about the law, I whatcha to know how we treat people we don’t’ like, (He nods and his henchman slaps Peter), Do I make myself clear?”
Micky: “Oh yeah? Well maybe we should make something clear. This is how we treat people that we don’t like!” (Turns around and slaps Peter too)
Peter: “What did I do?”
Mike: “I don’t know man, but don’t do it again.”
Big Flora: “Hey if you’re the Purple Flower Gang, why are you wearing white carnations?”
Micky(in disguise): “You know how tough it is to get purple flowers baby!”
Episode “Son of A Gypsy”
Davy: “You know, that was lousy idea to come out here today.”
Peter: “Why I don’t know what you’re talking about, oh the woods are just so beautiful.”
Micky: “Yeah, famous last words.”
Peter: “Who’s?”
Mike, Davy and Micky: “Little Red Riding Hood’s.”
Maria: “Nonsense, the art to steal is basic we are all thieves at heart.”
Davy: “Where did she get that idea?”
Mike: “She stole it.”
Maria: “If they don’t drop that Vulture in five minutes, it’s curtains for you.”
Peter: “Oh, for minute I thought you were gonna kill me.”
Madame Rantha: “Here it is darling, my treasured Maltese Vulture”
Friend: “How beautiful, how can anything so beautiful come from such an ugly bird.”
Madame Rantha: “Oh, you met my husband?”
Micky: “Hey, I don’t like the way that guard’s acting.”
Davy: “What are you, a talent scout or something?”
Episode “Alias Micky Dolenz”
Tony: “It’s no good Babyface, you’re a has been.”
Micky: “No Tony, I was a has been, now I’m an am is.”
Episode “Monkees A La Mode”
Toby Willis: “You see what we want to do is show what you are and the way you live.”
Davy: “Why, you wanna get us arrested?”
Rob Roy Fingerhead: “Now then, where’s your style?”
Mike: “Oh we usually keep it in the bathtub.”
Ms. Osbourne: “Tell me Mr. Jones, what do you look for in a girl?”
Davy: “Well um, it all depends what I’ve lost.”
Mike(reading a note thrown through the window): “You guys are not good, you never were any good you never will be any good, sign a friend.”
Episode “The Case of the Missing Monkee”
Davy: “Ey, ey, wait a minute, wait a minute, do you realize this a crime, this is breaking in entrance.”
Micky: “So what do want to do, do you want to run home where it’s safe and leave Peter here in trouble all alone?”
Davy: “Of course not.”
Micky: “Well it was just a suggestion.”
Mike: “Peter, you stay here and play dumb.”
Peter: “Why am I always the one to play dumb, why can’t I play smart once in a while?”
Episode “Monkees In The Ring”
Mike: “You don’t know anything about boxing!”
Davy: “That’s not so! I used to quite a scrapper at school y’ know. There was this one big bully, always pickin’ on me, so one day I went wham-o! with a right and wham-o! with a left!
Peter: “What happened?”
Davy: “She never bothered me again.”
Mike: “You’re going be going through a lot of strange cities, and there’s always this one hotel: one with a lot of heavy drinking, a lot of fast women and a lot of loose talk. You know what to do when you get to town?”
Davy: “Find that hotel!”
Mike: “And you’ll do fine.”
Episode “Monkees Chow Mein”
Micky: “Hey, hey Dragonman, call off your goon, I don’t like the way he’s acting!”
Dragonman: “You’re no Laurence Olivier yourself!”
Episode “Everywhere A Sheik Sheik”
King: “The palace has 700 bedrooms, twenty-two outdoor swimming pools and an indoor polo field.”
Peter: “Yes, but what kind of neighborhood is it in?”
Episode “Monkees In Texas”
Cousin Lucy: “I wouldn’t be too happy about that, they’ll be back”
Micky: “But we won’t!”
Ben Cartwheel: “Hey, uh water my horse will you son?”
Davy: “Water your horse? I’m not a stable boy!”
Ben Cartwheel: “I don’t care about your mental condition; water my horse!”
Episode “Monkees Monster Mash”
Bat: “I want to drink your blood!”
Peter: “That’s not all nice to say”
Bat: “I want to sip your blood!”
Peter: “Much better”.
Mike: “I gotta hand you one thing Pete”
Peter: “What’s that?”
Mike: “You have a great respect for fear”
Peter: “You’re right it scares me to death”
Mike: “What?”
Peter: “Fear does”
Episode “Art For Monkees Sake”
Davy (Sarcastically, after Peter throws a sack that hits him in the back of the head): “Gee thanks Peter I really needed that!”
Peter: “That’s okay Davy, anytime!”
Mike (After Davy knocks over a statue in a museum): “That thing was over a thousand years old.”
Peter: “Thank goodness it wasn’t new”
Episode “The Monkees Paw”
Davy: “Now look, we got no voice, no job and no rent”
Peter: “Yeah and the good times can’t last forever”
Mike(as the Regular Llama): “Well after much persuasion now, the Regular Llama will break down and give you this, it is a monkey’s paw, it will grant you three wishes.”
Micky(as Young Mendrek): “For me!”
Mike: “Yeah, you’re the only fool I know who deserves such luck!”
Manager: “Stop this, whatta you think you’re doing, I hired you to sing not grow hair, smoke cigars and honk the horn; you’re fired, you’ll never work in show business again now get out!”
Davy: “Did you like, did you like it!”
Episode “Monkees Marooned”
Micky: “A treasure map, that’s one of the dumbest things you’ve done Pete.”
Peter: “That’s not fair Micky.”
Davy: “That’s not true Micky, he’s done dumber things than that, I know.”
Peter: “Thanks man.”
Episode “The Monkees Blow Their Minds”
Oraculo: “Look into my eyes! Deeply, deeply ever so deeply, now what do you see?”
Peter: “Dishonestly, cowardice and a lack of scruples!”
Oraculo: “That’s too deep, try again!”
Micky: “Gosh-a-roonie, Yes! Boy I’ve poured all over these mystical maps and charts, and I’ve read every book in the public library.”
Mike: “So what did you learn?”
Micky: “The Dewey Decimal System.”
Oraculo: “Now I want you to free your mind of all thought! Good, now how do you feel?”
Mike: “Ah, thoughtless.”
Episode “The Devil And Peter Tork”
Peter: “It’s a beautiful harp, isn’t it?”
Mike: “Yeah it’s a beautiful harp, beautiful music comes from beautiful harps, everybody I know loves a harp. There’s only one thing.”
Peter: “Huh?”
Mike: “You can’t play the harp.”
Mr. Zero: “The prosecution rests.”
Micky: “Then the defense will rest also!”
Judge: “Until what time do you like to rest?”
Micky: “Until we think of something better!”
Episode “The Card Carrying Red Shoes”
Peter: “Don’t worry Natasha, I won’t let them take you away; I’ll fight to the death to protect you!”
Davy: “But Peter, she’s a big star! This could lead to an international incident, maybe war! The whole world could be destroyed!”
Peter: “Don’t worry, if the whole world is destroyed, I’ll take responsibility.”
Micky: “With a little more ego, he can be President!”
Episode “The Wild Monkees”
Blauner: “Oh, I hire no bands at this hotel. I hire Waiters and I hire gardeners and I hire bellhops and if they happen to play a few musical instruments, wonderful, wonderful!”
Micky: “I get it, the old badger game. If you think for one minute you’re gonna get us because we’re broke and browbeat us into working like slaves in this slum…..
All four Monkees: “You’re dead right!”
Jan: “Oh Peter, You’ve quoted the most beautiful poetry I ever heard.”
Peter: “Does that mean we have dinner together tonight!”
Jan: “No”
Peter: “How come?”
Jan: “Face man, you’re a sissy!”
Mike: “Now, now Butch, now look here Butch, you can’t, you can’t keep pushing me like this Butch, you gonna get to far here any minute and I’m not going any further!”
Butch: “How come!”
Mike: “Because I can’t get over this desk.”
